


I'll Find You a Friend

by KissYourSanityGoodbye



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Teenagers, Childhood, Childhood Friends, Friendship, Kid Fic, M/M, Melodrama, Oblivious Castiel, Pining Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-28
Updated: 2016-09-28
Packaged: 2018-08-16 04:17:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8086807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KissYourSanityGoodbye/pseuds/KissYourSanityGoodbye
Summary: After one fateful day on the playground, Dean and Castiel became best friends. But now twelve years later Dean is suddenly avoiding Castiel and Cas worries their friendship may be over.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Supernatural Prompt Challenge. My [tumblr](http://kissyoursanitygoodbye.tumblr.com/)

The lonely five year old sat listlessly swinging back and forth on the swing. He solemnly watched the other small children run around with each other, kicking soccer balls and tagging each other, all the while squealing in glee, while he sat there alone, always just swinging back and forth.

It's not so bad, he thinks, because at least he can sit on the swings around other kids, and keep up a certain semblance that he has friends, but in all honesty, the kids swinging next to him don't know him, don't acknowledge or even try to talk to him.

This is the fate Castiel has resigned himself to since kindergarten started almost two months ago. At first, he had not been the only friendless child in the class, as some of the other students had never attended the preschool here either. But eventually they found their friend groups which was something Castiel could never do because he was often to shy to speak. For a while, some teachers actually thought he was a mute.

 All the other kids had found friends easily and now Castiel was only one left with nobody to play with. The days they got free reign of the playground weren't so bad. It was the days where they had to play in the school parking lot because the playground was too muddy that were the worst.

Without the swings to make him look occupied, he was just awkwardly standing around the edge of the parking lot, unsure what to do with himself. The other kids were having races or skipping rope and kicking around a ball, but Castiel was too shy to approach them and ask if he could join. So he just sat on the curb near the grass, and stared at nothing.

"What are you doing here all by yourself?" Castiel started and turned to the blonde-haired boy with green eyes  and a smattering of freckles across his nose who had approached him without him noticing.

"I have no one to play with," He says simply.

"You don't got any friends?" He didn't sound pitying, only curious. Castiel only shakes his head.

"Well, we're gonna fix that." The boy says resolutely. He grabs Castiel by the hand and starts dragging him across the parking lot.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm going to find you a friend, duh."

"Um..."

The green-eyed boy dragged Castiel over to where some boys were kicking around a ball in what was their version of soccer, and he thrust him into the group saying, "Here, you play with them." And then the blonde boy took off in the other direction leaving Castiel with the boys. Castiel immediately started to internally panic, _Oh gosh they aren't going to like me._ They just shrugged and continued to play.

One boy tried to pass it to Castiel, but he missed. He tried to keep up but it became clear that sports, no matter how kiddie, weren't his thing. It also seemed that the boys were getting weirded out that Castiel wouldn't talk. So when one boy kicked the ball too far and the whole group went running after it, Castiel drifted behind and eventually slipped away. He didn't feel that they exactly wanted him around anyway.

 _It was nice of that boy to try,_ Castiel thought, _but I guess I'm just not meant to have friends. I'm just too strange._

The next day the playground was too muddy again so they were all corralled to the parking lot once more. Castiel plopped himself down on his spot of the curb and stared at the clouds. He tried to ignore the sympathetic looks the recess chaperone moms were sending him. He didn't want their pity.

"You're all by yourself again? What happened to the friends I found you yesterday?" The green-eyed boy had shown up again out of nowhere.

"I don't think they liked me very much."

"Why not?"

"I'm too weird."

"I don't think so."

Castiel just shrugs.

The boy furrows his brow, "Well I'm not just gonna let you sit here all by yourself so we're just gonna have to find you some nicer friends."

He finds some girls jumping rope and deposits Castiel with them before running off again. When it becomes clear Castiel can't jump rope to save his life he drops the rope and goes to sit by himself feeling a little dejected.

"What's wrong with you?" The boy is by his side again in minutes.

Castiel feels his cheek flare and he declares in righteous indignation, "There is nothing _wrong_ with me! My mom says I'm just shy and have a hard time making friends.I have trouble talking to people sometimes."

"Well, you're talking to me."

"Only cause you won't stop talking to me."

The boy looks thoughtful for a moment and then his whole face lights up, "I have an idea! How about I be your friend?! I can't believe I didn't think of this before."

"Okay." Castiel says smiling at the prospect of having his first real friend. "But I don't know your name."

"My name is Dean. Dean Winchester."

"I'm Castiel."

Dean smiles, showing off his missing front tooth, "We're gonna be the best of friends, Cas. I just know it."

~12 years later~

Castiel stared at his kindergarten yearbook, where a small, grainy photo of two boys, one dark-haired with blue eyes and one light-haired with green eyes were eating sundaes at the school's ice cream social and had gotten syrup all over their faces; Dean had gotten the chocolate gunk all globbed up in tufts of his hair and he was giving the camera a cheesy sugared-up smile. And Castiel was just staring at him quizzically, as if he hadn't managed to make a mess of himself with the ice cream as well.

Castiel smiled nostalgically and placed it back on the shelf where his mother kept all the year books.He doesn't know why she gets them every year. Castiel's barely in it besides the obligatory class photo. He's always been a bit introverted, perhaps anti-social would be the more appropriate term, and he never really did any extracurriculars beyond his academics and some volunteer work. That didn't really bother Castiel though. He didn't need twenty friends. All he needed, all he _wanted_ was Dean.

But Dean... Dean's been distant these past few weeks. At first it had just been that Dean wasn't answering his texts as often. Which kind of made sense considering they had exams coming up and all so he was probably just busy. Except... except he's been pulling away more in school too. Whereas he used to meet Castiel by his locker every morning religiously since freshman year, now he only says a casual 'hey' in passing if Castiel catches his eye.

At lunch he seems to be focusing more on his food or the conversations of the people sitting next to them then Castiel himself. And that's if he even bothers to go to lunch. Recently, he's been spending his lunch period in the library a couple times a week. Castiel wonders if he only goes to lunch at all because there's a limit to how many times a student can spend their lunch period in the library a week. And for the past two weekends, Dean hasn't even picked up the phone to call him.

There's no denying the fact that Dean has been avoiding him.

Castiel wracks his brain, trying to figure out if he did something wrong, if he maybe made the other boy mad somehow. They have fought before, but Dean was always upfront about it when he was mad at him. No beating around the bush. They would have an explosive argument, and then apologize by the next day, and then all is back to normal. And even if the fight stretched longer than a day, Dean would still talk to Castiel and make an effort to see him, just a little grumpier than his usual self is.

There are two possible reasons as to why he's ignoring him, Castiel reasons as he walks down the sidewalk towards school.

One is that he somehow made Dean _so_ mad that he barely wants to see or talk to him. But Castiel knows that in the past two weeks, he didn't do anything that would make him that angry. It would have to have been something terrible, but he's been going through the same ordinary routine everyday as he always does.

Which brings him to the second possible reason. Dean's finally gotten bored of him.  _Well of course he did. You're the most boring person on the planet._ Castiel's shoulder's slump dejectedly. He knew this would happen someday. And truth be told, he thought it would happen a lot sooner.

Dean was vibrant and energetic and so full of _life._ People were attracted to all his _muchness._ He was good at sports, he was good at talking to people, he could make people laugh and always had these amazing stories (some of the Castiel knew for a fact were grossly exaggerated but they made for a better story so he never complained.)

You always knew Dean Winchester was in the room because the sun seemed to shine from the inside out.

And Castiel... some days he just felt like he was wallpaper. He would sit in the back of the class and observe. He didn't talk or get out much at all. His life has consisted of going to school and being Dean's best friend. He's not particularly talented at anything. Yes, he's very talented academically but being smart really isn't all that special anymore. Everyone's smart these days.

_  
"Jesus, no wonder Dean got bored of you. You're boring yourself with your own analysis of your life up to this point."_

Dean's the kind of person who gets invited to parties, and goes on wild high school adventures that they talk about in the movies. Castiel is the kind of person that studies his sheet music and reads books all weekend . The fact that they've remained friends for twelve long years is nothing short of astounding.

Castiel lowers his gaze. _'You've been holding Dean back.'_

How many times has Dean decided to stay in a watch movies with him when he said he was too tired to go to party with Dean? How many times has he turned down hanging with the guys from the baseball team to spend with Cas instead? Castiel bets Dean would've liked to go to more than a couple of football games a year, but didn't because he knows Cas doesn't see the joy of watching or playing organized sports. He knows how much Dean would've liked to ogle the cheerleaders.

And girls is a whole other topic. Dean has never had more than few casual dates and hookups. Has he not been able to get a longterm girlfriend because Castiel's quietness and strangeness scares them off? Has he unintentionally been repelling girls from Dean this entire time. Has he obliterated Dean's chance of a normal and fulfilling social life?

If that's true, which it probably is, then _no more_.

"I'm not going to hold Dean back anymore," Castiel resolves to himself quietly as he enters through the double doors into the building. Castiel doesn't really care if he has virtually nonexistent social life. He's okay with that for himself but not for Dean. Dean deserves everything the world has to offer. It's been a good twelve years with memories he'll cherish forever. Dean's given him so much, this is the least he can give Dean. And it's not enough.

~~~

Dean didn't mean to ignore Cas. He's just had a lot on his mind lately. Exams for one were coming up. During freshman and sophomore year the exam days had passed by without batting an eye, but everyone knows junior year is when you're supposed to get serious. Cas still doesn't even have to a bat an eye at the exams this year. He's so _freaking_ smart.

And he has a memory that just won't quit. He can recited the most random fact, like which kid brought Baklava for the school bake sale 5 months ago or something equally obscure, and Dean can't remember what he had for dinner last night. Dean _literally_ can't remember (it may have been pasta last night?) but Cas always can remember every little detail.

In all honesty, exams aren't the only reason he's been so distant. Not even the main reason.

The main reason is that Dean has just realized he's hopelessly in love with his best friend. Shocker, right? How could someone spend twelve years constantly spending time with only one person and just fall in love with them. It's an _inconceivable notion._ Ha fucking ha.

But it had taken Dean by surprise nevertheless. He had just been enjoying his sandwich at lunch like any normal day, and Castiel had suddenly looked up and said, "Did you know cats bring dead mice to others not as gifts but to imply that they suck at hunting."

It was such a fucking random, such a pointless fact, and it was such a _Cas_ thing to say that all of sudden Dean felt his heart flutter a little beneath his rib cage (or wherever the fuck his heart was because he sucked at anatomy too) and realized _oh._ This is what it feels like to be in love with your best friend. He realizes in that moment that he probably has been for a while.

"Cats are pretentious dicks, then" he had replied with a smile instead of blurting out 'I just realized I'm in love with you.' Because that would be something a crazy person would do.

And now Dean was avoiding him because he didn't know what to do in this situation. How could he constantly be around his best friend now when every time they bumped hands his whole arm flared, and every time he made Cas laugh it felt like his soul was singing along with him?

So he unconsciously decided to temporarily avoid Castiel until he knew what to do. He spots Castiel helping an overwhelmed looking freshman who had just dropped all their books and he realizes despairingly he's come to a decision: he won't tell Castiel about his feelings. Because deserves better than him.

Dean views Castiel as an ethereal being. He spends four hours a week volunteering at the hospital, and at first Dean had thought it was for college applications until the day he tagged along and saw _the look_ on his face when he was reading to an elderly patient or putting on a puppet show for the kids in the children's ward. It was like there was no place in the universe he'd rather be.

When the little girls expressed their desire to play dress up on Cas he brought in a dress and some makeup and some costume jewelry and that had been the day Dean was convinced that Castiel was an actual angel set from Heaven. In his mother's old maternity dress and too much garish blue eye shadow.

Cas deserves someone like himself. Not someone like Dean, who was often told he was too insensitive, to crass and self-centered, too inconsiderate of other people's feelings if they weren't someone close to him. Dean bets if Castiel weren't so shy he would already be in a relationship with someone as _good_ as he was.

Cas wouldn't even feel about Dean the same way Dean does about him (because despite what people say he does feel). He will only ever see Dean as a friend. His best friend, but still just friends.

And even though it would kill him inside a little, Dean's okay with that. He's okay with that because they have been friends for almost his whole life, and their friendship is one of the most precious things in the world to him second to only his family. But even he considers Cas family.

His life was forever changed since the day he decided to the lonely looking blue eyed boy in the school parking lot. And he's not going to risk permanently fucking things up between them with pathetic love confessions because he's not prepared to experience life without him.

He just hopes Cas won't be too mad he's been avoiding him for over the past two weeks.

~~~

Okay, so Cas must really be mad at Dean. When Dean had strolled up to to Cas' locker while he was putting books in to continue their tradition of meeting by their lockers ever morning, Castiel had smiled but it was _off._ It wasn't his genuine smile, he's seen it enough time to know what it looks like yet still not enough to entirely satiate his desires to see it. It was a smile of almost forced politeness but also tinged with sadness.

Castiel said, "Hello, Dean."

"What's up, man?"

"Not much. Same old as always." He almost sounded bitter about that last part. Dean was about to apologize for being so dodgy the past couple weeks when Castiel suddenly says, "I have to get to homeroom." And then hurries off in the other direction. At quick peek at the clock on the wall tells Dean that homeroom doesn't start for another five minutes.

Yeah, Cas is definitely upset. Which is strange, because Castiel is never upset with Dean. _Okay, wow, that's a lie,_ Dean thinks as he recalls the time Castiel slammed Dean against a wall and came very damn near close to decking him in the face the last time he had gotten him really angry.

But this wasn't like last time, cause Cas didn't seem angry. If he really were, he would say something. Dean feels a terrible feeling curling in his gut as he thinks _Maybe he's just_ done _with me._

But no. Cas would never do that. Would he? Has he finally realized it's not worth maintaining a friendship with Dean? _Don't be stupid. You know that's not like Cas._

All Dean's sure is that he must've fucked up big time, and he's going to do whatever the hell he has to to fix it.

~~~

Castiel had managed to evade Dean the entire day so far. He wasn't even present at lunch, he had gotten a pass for the library. Dean thought he probably deserved that one. Instead of sitting in the lunch room twiddling his thumbs, Dean got a pass for the library, too so he could find and talk to Cas so he could apologize for being a dick.

He enters the library which smelled faintly of books and he marginally felt his nerves calm. But only marginally. He's still maybe Cas was tired of his crap for good. He had not been able to spot him right away, which was odd because there library is not that big.

He walks by shelf after shelf of books and finally spotted him crouching in one of the aisles to see the books on the bottom shelf. He fingers were gently running over the spines, and he was silently reading each of the titles. Dean suddenly felt a ridiculous stab of jealous for those books.

"Hey, Cas."

Cas jumps nearly out of his skin and looks up with startled blue eyes.

"Dean, I- uh- I was surprised. I didn't think you were gonna be in here."

"Well I uh have been coming here a few days for the past couple weeks."

"Yes, I noticed." he says simply and unaccusingly.

"Right."

They stare at each other for a beat and the air felt heavy. And awkward. Never in their 12 years of friendship have they ever had an awkward moment together. Not even when Cas had walked in on Dean hooking up with that weirdly hot girl in the marching band.

"Listen, Cas. I'm sorry I haven't really been around. I know I've been kinda absent these past few weeks, but it's just been because I'm stressing over exams." A half-truth, but not an outright lie.

"I figured that was the case, Dean. No need to apologize for taking your studies seriously."

"Yeah.... So are we okay?"

"We're fine, Dean." Dean didn't like the way his voice sounded. It sounded _off_. And his usually penetrative gaze was fixed on a spot over his shoulders, not meeting him dead in the eye like he always does.

"Are you sure?"

"Of course."

"Right. So do you wanna hang at my place after school?"

Cas looks a little uncomfortable right now and it's making Dean feel all kinds of wrong right now."I can't. I have a five page essay to write."

"Oh. Okay then."

"Sorry, but I have to go meet a teacher for help with the essay." He plucks a book of the shelf and heads over to the check out desk leaving Dean standing alone in the aisle. Three things were very weird about the way Cas was acting. For one, he never turns down hanging with Dean, no matter how much homework he has. Though Dean supposes that's fair because he supposedly blew Cas off for two weeks for studying.

But then, Cas never needs help writing his essays. He's better at writing than most of the teacher here. And Dean swears Castiel had already read the book he just took off the shelf.

Dean feels panic clawing in his insides, _He knows. He knows I'm in love with him and now he feels uncomfortable._ Despair threatens to overtake Dean. He knows what this means, awkward pauses in conversation, a reluctance to hang out, and eventual they'll just stop talking altogether.

 _How could he have possibly found out?_ Cas is smart though, he probably guessed by Dean's evasive behavior. He probably had caught onto all the times Dean would stare at him when he thought Cas was too immersed in a book to notice. He's so damn intuitive, he probably noticed how Dean's whole body broke out into goose bumps when there hands accidentally brushed.

It's all over now. Their friendship is destroyed.

But no, Dean is not willing to accept that. Castiel is his best friend. He's not giving him up without a fight.

~~~

When Castiel gets home late in the evening after volunteering at the hospital, he drops his backpack on the floor and immediately collapses into his bed with a sigh. Avoiding Dean had proved to be a more difficult task than he originally thought. And he already expected it to be plenty hard. It taken every ounce of willpower he had not to take Dean up on his offer to hang out after school. He couldn't even look him in the eyes, afraid of the hurt he'd see there.

 _This is for Dean,_ he reminds himself. He turns his head to the side and catches sight of the picture of him and Dean when they were at their eighth grade graduation. They're both in suits and holding diplomas and grinning widely because they were about to enter high school. "Fools," Castiel mutters.

He turns away from the picture to stare at the ceiling, because at least the ceiling doesn't have green eyes that break his heart. He lays there for a while, not even considering doing his homework because he honestly just _can't_ right now. He eyes are just starting to droop when he hears his phone buzz.

_Dean: Meet me at the park? It's important. Sent: 8:09 pm_

He doesn't hesitate before replying.

 _Me:_ _Ok. I'll be there.Sent: 8:10 pm_

This is probably a bad idea. But Dean said it's important. And that park is place of monumental importance to them. It's their meet-up place for everything. It reminds them of how they first met. It was here that he and Dean conducted their "ghosts hunts" until they were about twelve. He met Dean there the day he needed a shoulder a cry on when he found out his father found a new family and explicitly stated he didn't want anything to do with his old one anymore.

He couldn't not meet Dean there.

He hopped on his bike and pedaled there as fast as he could. In what was normally a 15 minute bike ride he got there in 9 minutes. Dean wasn't there yet, so he set his bike up against an oak tree and went over to sit on the swings.

He smiled at them softly like he was greeting a new friend. These were his friends for what seemed the longest time before he met Dean. He sat gently rocking for awhile before he felt a tentative tap on his shoulder.

He turned to see Dean smiling a bit timidly. "Hello, Dean."

"Hey, Cas."

He gestures to the swing beside him in a silent invitation to sit. Dean obliges. "Why do you ask me to meet you here?"

Dean looks uncomfortable and he breaks their stare to instead look at the twisted, oak tree.

"Look, normally I would avoid talking about these kinds of things at all costs, but I'm not ready to let our friendship be destroyed because I'm so emotionally constipated or whatver it is that Sam calls me. I know you know, alright? I didn't mean for it to happen, but it did. And.. I know it's a little weird and all, but I don't want it mean the end of our friendship."

Castiel tilts his head and squints a bit. He has no idea what Dean's talking about. At first, maybe he thought maybe Dean was going to outright say he didn't want be friends anymore, but that's obviously not the case.

Dean misunderstands his expression and he looks a bit panicky, "I'm sorry if all this makes you uncomfortable. I really am. I don't even know when it happened, I guess I just realized when you said that random fact about cats and why they bring back dead rats which is weird time to realize it believe me I know, but I did and then I didn't know how to handle it so I started to avoid you because I didn't know what to the think but now I regret it because despite what you say I think you're still mad at me and I'm just really sorry and-"

"Dean, I have no idea what you're talking about." Castiel cuts him off before his face starts to turn purple.

Dean blinks, "What? You mean you don't know?"

"Know what?"

"If you don't know, than why were you acting so weird?"

"Know what?!"

"I don't understand why you were avoiding me. Was it like revenge or something? I guess I kinda deserved it if it was..."

"Dean, what do I not know?"

Dean's face turns red and he looks away. Hesitantly he says, "Tell me why you were avoiding me first and I'll tell you what you don't know."

"Fine, then." Castiel doesn't really want to voice his insecurities, but he's curious over what Dean has to say. "I started to ignore you because I thought that you were getting bored of me. I thought that maybe you subconsciously wanted our friendship to end, and I didn't want to hold you back from a more exciting social life so I decided to facilitate it by avoiding you. I thought a clean break would be better than a long drawn out own."

Dean blinks, and the he blinks again. "Cas...why would you... how could you even think that I would ever get bored of you? You are literary the most interesting person I've ever met. Granted, I haven't met many people, but still." He honestly looks a little shocked at the suggestion and Cas feels something foreign tug at his heart a little.

Dean continues, "And what's all this crap about holding me back? Ever since I met you in that parking lot twelve years ago I've been the happiest person alive. You're my best friend, you know that. You're just so _good_ and smart and you tell all these random stories at weird times and you're so uniquely _you_ , Cas. I'd never get bored of you and I'd never leave you."

Castiel feels his eyes prickle a little bit. He hadn't known how much he needed to hear Dean say those words. "Dean...I... Thank you."

"Don't mention it," Dean has a fond smile playing on his lips and Cas feels an indescribably clawing at his throat, urging him to do- to do _something._

"What were you going to tell me, Dean?"

All of a sudden Dean's smile drops and he suddenly looks as nervous as he did when he first showed up here. More nervous than he's ever seen the great, confident Dean Winchester.

"You don't have to tell me if it-"

"I think I'm in love with you."

".....What?'

"I think I've fallen in love with you." They both hold their breath for a beat, and the clawing sensation feels stronger.  Dean starts to nervously babble once more, "I'm sorry that I just blurted it out and I don't expect you to do anything and I just really hope that we can still be fri-"

Castiel cuts him off by smashing their mouths together and the tingling sensation he was feeling subsides into a pleased ' _oh'._

Dean's leaning into  him and running his fingers through his hair, and yeah the angle's a little awkward from their position on the swings, and yeah the kiss lacks a certain finesse because of their desparation to _finally_ just do it after so long.This is what he's been wanting for a long time he just didn't know it.

They break apart to catch their breath and Castiel says after take a few gasps of air, "I think I've fallen in love with you too, Dean. I think I've always been in love with you."

"Cas." Dean breathes before pulling Castiel in for another kiss. They have time to talk more later. They've both been waiting for this for a _very_ long time.


End file.
